Jax Fontaine
JF was like a step-brother to the Kilos. The kind of shady step-brother that can suck the shine off a penny. Jax mismanaged the band during their first three albums and although Sid and Rock had their suspicions about his honesty, he kept himself in good graces by supplying the boys with copious amounts of contraband. During the bands struggling early years only Jax seemed to prosper. How odd.
Jacqueline Bovier Fontaine
Jackie led a sheltered life in Hyannis Port; attending private schools, sailing the Cape, and schooled in dressage. Her socialite life left her ill-prepared for the whirlwind that was Jax Fontaine. She had known men who were as suave and dapper as Jax, but never one who lived on the edge of the law. There was something mysterious and enticing about this bad-boy that she could not resist. She never asked or cared about his nefarious dealings as long as he could give her the things she was accustomed to.
Chloe Parker-Smythe
While on tour in London, Kilo dined at Gordon Ramsay's Strand Restaurant. The chef that night was a recent graduate of the famous Cordon Bleu School of Culinary Arts. Her name was Chloe, and Rock fell madly in love with her as soon as he put his lips to her honey glazed quail breast. When he asked to meet the cook his heart raced as an auburn haired beauty, covered in Bernaise Sauce, strode to his table. They were married just two weeks later at St. James Church in Piccadilly Market and remained together until Rock was lured away by the seductive Yvonna Humpalot.
Augustus
The road is a harsh mistress, and no one knows that better than the Kilo bus-driver, Augustus. Despite the fact that he had a horrible sense of direction and would often show up in the wrong city on concert night, Auggie kept the peace with his Zen spirit and cool demeanor while chaos swarmed around the band. Some suggest that without Auggie's calming influence the boys in the band would have blown apart before they reached their potential.
Brewster Kilo
Brewster never fit in with his brothers, not even his twin, Rock Kilo. While music seemed second nature to them, it was always a struggle for BK . He gave up schoolwork and friends in favor of incessant practicing. Although it broke his heart when Sid and Rock left him behind to start their first band, 'Defunct Asylum' , his will to become a musician was hardened. He released the single 'Rock Em, Sock Em' on the Rollin' Rock Label in 1969 and the his brothers reluctantly took him under their wings to form the illustrious band known as 'KILO'
Jebediah Schwartzentruber / Dante Stroke
It was tough for Jebediah growing up in Lancaster, PA, the eldest son in an Amish household. He was supposed to take over the family farm, but what really curdled his cream was electric guitar. No plugs, no problem - Jeb became the premiere air guitarist in Southern Pennsylvania. He put his Mennonite woodworking skills to good use by crafting electric guitars that never got close to a wall socket.
As founder of the local Lancaster chapter of the Defunct Asylum fan club, Jeb, AKA Dante Stroke, became a pen-pal of Sid and finally hooked up with his mentor to join Kilo on lead guitar.
As founder of the local Lancaster chapter of the Defunct Asylum fan club, Jeb, AKA Dante Stroke, became a pen-pal of Sid and finally hooked up with his mentor to join Kilo on lead guitar.
Lynx
Lynx and her sister Zoe grifted their way from Seattle to Allentown, PA. where they pulled a Ponzi scheme to sell wind-powered TV to the Amish. The girls got careless and were about to be busted when Jeb, who had fallen for the lovely Lynx, snuck them out of town in the back of his buggy. The trio found refuge in the studio home of the Kilo brothers.
Zoe / Zandy
It was lust at first sight when Zoe saw the handsomely chiseled face of Sid Kilo. She decided to worm her way into his heart with one last scam. Falling back on her days as a carnival psychic, she conducted a seance and convinced the perennially stoned Sid that he would soon meet and fall in love with her twin sister Zandy. Sid was an easy mark when Zoe returned later that night as her alter-ego. The torrid relationship lasted more than a decade. Turn down the lights and you may still see the sparks fly between them.
Sid Kilo
Sid and Rock Kilo were tight as two brothers could be. They had an uncanny musical ability from early childhood. In their teens they started a garage band called 'Defunct Asylum' . Sid was an extraordinary song-smith. Somehow catchy tunes spun out of his pot-addled cranium like cotton candy around a paper cone. The bands success was cut short by
Sid's abuse of every narcotic known to man.
Sid's abuse of every narcotic known to man.
Agadore Spartacus
Chloe's head chef at the prestigious Bocca Di Lupo, the finest Italian restaurant in London. Agadore was brought to America to cook for Kilo during concert tours. Agadore became a member of the Kilo extended family and has been asked to read Rock's Last Will and Testament.
Christian Galliano
When Kilo's second album went gold the record label insisted they throw out the jeans and tennis shoes and hire a designer that could give the act a little class. The chichi Christian Galliano was looking for a gig after being fired from the couture house of Valentino. His Paris Spring Fashion was poorly received when he dressed all his models in burkas. The designs were considered anti-Muslim and Christian was forced to leave the country in disgrace. Holding court at the house of Kilo seemed a safe alternative.
Yvonna Humpalot
Yvonna is a quick study. She taught herself how to exploit her Mediterranean sexuality and become a first-rate gold digger. When the fortunes of the Kilo Band hit that High Water Mark, she moved in on Rock with the cunning of panther. That he was married to the adoring, Chloe, meant less than nothing to her. Upon his untimely death she was seen loading a U-Haul trailer with Rocks' memorabilia that could be sold on EBay.
Crystal Chandelier
Crystal loves music, or more appropriately, loves musicians, any musician. It was no surprise that when the Kilo Band Human Resources Department put an ad in the NY Times for experienced groupies, she came running. Her resume was peppered with experience as a pole-dancer, porno actress, and companion to Charlie Sheen. CC became a permanent fixture at every Kilo after-party.